I want a snack.

and omg look at me again going back into my addiction trying to enjoy it rather than getting assigned work done, im figuring out something else i can do to gain more easy energy and burn it up because i have it

regardless of what im spending the energy on, i just want the energy because im getting a little low on it.

im looking forward to replenishing it but i know i cant have exactly what i want right now or even in a little bit

its going to take a while for it to come here, so it appears that im burning up the last of my energy on this fun stuff knowing i may not get all my required work done, but at least i will have gotten to do what i wanted to do in the moment, and i will have been happy during it, and then i will get my snack later anyways, probably on the same time frame

ANDDD im doing things differently than other people that are assigned to do the same thing i am, so as long as i get it done

even though im not going above and beyond

if im a better representation over the rest of them rather than the little template that we will all become when we get thrown into something new as we start our new phases.

we will each be set a part different from one another in different ways and have different experiences along the way and different ways that our past experiences will guide us in the future. so if i follow my heart and you follow yours, we will be guided where we want to be and we will have our own daydream fantasies along the way, and borderline sensations that define our past as a part of us today even though we are in the present moment together

how much of sharing my past experience can i tie into this moment vs running forward with what im already doing great on and making great progress on, and how much thought is it going to take to analyze my feelings and try to represent them in a new way and in a new format that i dont have immediate access or language to communiate if i were to try and come up with a way to

what im feeling is this stiffness in my arms and i keep running into this concrete wall where my limb becomes stiff and rather than anything being there or rugging me back, it is me stuck in my range of motion trying to find a flow state of typing fastly, growing better in my craft as if it is an artwork that i go through phases of failing really bad, and then enjoying in other moments as im immersed in the 26 letter and few symbols hidden away on the edges that i barely use, and i get to know the center of my keyboard even better and better because my hands are not covering up that surface as much at least in their resting position so i feel absorbed and immersed in the world of wanting to be here, and being okay with it and not feeling as if it is work at all.

i really just want a power candy that i think is already at home waiting for me

it is the reward of getting it and putting it in my mouth and chewing it, but it is not even that that that that that that aht atht good. it falls apart as i eat it or try to eat it faster, its flavor is perfect in one moment but cant be replicated, maybe i need to stick to that snack forever, but sometimes in the moment of eating it i just dont find the thrill in it like i fully expected, i want to go back to the productive moment of what i was able to accomplish when i wanted it so bad and have that be the whole spice of adding it to my life.

like it was the most important thing for me to have today as on the list of the top 5 most rewarding things to have or not allow myself to have at the end of the day or feel guilty for having because did i deserve it in order for it to continue to be a rewarding reward for the work i got done today.

AM I PROUD OF WHAT I GOT DONE TODAY

everyday better be yes

you really have to search for it if you want to find the answers and find the meaning behind all the emotions that i put out there

and if you want them to be as powerful for you as the way they were to me, hopefully you have a good filter system because you are not going to want to relive my life and spend all your time going over all the things that i already went over, because that would waste a lot of your time, and there is not that much useful information here.

you have no idea how long it has felt since i felt like it was the last time i saw you and you have no idea how much i want you

god damn it. i just want to fucking cuss. GOD DAMMIN thats not enough. i need moremremoremremormeorme

save publish try to move away from it and move on. move on move on. repeat repeat, repeat. god damn

the excuses of people saying out loud i couldnt do it, talking so loud jerking themselves off for what they wanted to apply to and get ready for and getting off to each other listening to their problems and thinking that if they get this question answered or if they make this claim, or if they get it next fall then the plan is complete.

did they do the work to get it, do they want to do the work. are they talking from a place of getting it done or wanting to get it done, and how do i feel based upon how this aligns with my experiences.

how well do you know this platform, how much learning do you have to do to understand it versus jsut spending time on it creating something yourself

it takes a long time to learn the alphabet, and words definitions before sentences before writing coding to generate a model for others to base their visual observations and status of gathering information off of it

will i go back to any of these prompts

he said he loves it, but did worse than he wanted but better than he thought, its like im trying to see right through his language, but geez i dont know what i want out of listening to these people talk about their theories of what they want to study or who they classify themselves as.

people talk about their great accomplishments, horrible experiences and what they have heard other people go through.

this generation

before he was in healthcare

humans are terrible

pharmacy tech

for 4 years

talks fast

says what people can do, maybe he knows a little bit more than what i think he is leading on